Just Google it, dammit!

Here’s a thought – anybody with Whatsapp on their phone must surely also have Google search? So if you come across a piece of potentially important news and feel this consuming urge to share it with all your friends and relatives to possibly save lives and become a hero, would it take away from your potential heroism to first fact-check whatever you’re planning to share, and then if you find substantial proof, go ahead and share it?

Okay let me explain.

So I am, for no fault of mine, part of a Whatsapp group with all my cousins in it. This means for most days I wake up to hideous ‘Good Morning!’ messages on my phone. I’ve learnt to live with that. I’m also learning to cope with all the terrible jokes – the Santas and Bantas, the misogyny, the sheer tiredness and lack of funny in all of it. What gets my goat (am I using the phrase right?) is when I have to encounter, in 2015, those old, thoughtlessly forwarded messages, the urban legends, the outdated rumours et al. The kind that make you want to divorce your cousins, if such a thing was possible.

This morning, one of my dear cousins, out of the goodness of her heart, shared a very important message from some govt health officer – yay, it was the ancient Pin Prick HIV Attack story! If you were too young or afraid of technology in the late 90s, you can read all about it here: http://www.snopes.com/horrors/madmen/pinprick.asp

Those of us who had learnt to use email by the turn of the century will remember this story from the Hall of Fame of Terrible Internet Hoaxes. Even if you have never heard or read this story before, isn’t it the most logical step to first go online and read up a bit before spreading the joy? Aren’t we all long beyond that age of trigger-happy panic mongering? When communication has become so fast and easy, doesn’t it follow that by 2015, we should consider being just a little responsible about what we communicate?

And if not, can I at least have the luxury of a divorce attorney?

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All the balancing bull

Hi there. Sorry I’ve been gone so long.

Turns out, I don’t really need time alone with my thoughts, because guess what, I’m a raging maniac!

Seriously. I just spent an hour and half at office fantasizing about ringing a giant bell with my boss inside. Let me explain.

There was this Randheer Kapoor movie long long ago with a nubile, over-bleached Rekha with penciled eyebrows playing his lady love. The film was called Kaccha Chor, and the story line went something like this: Make Randheer Kapoor do stuff before the 70s get over and his Royal Obnoxiousness can no longer be concealed under cool clothes. Really. If there’s anything worse that could have happened to Hindi cinema than Randheer Kapoor, it would have been a Randheer Kapoor in the 80s.

Anyhoo. So in this slapshod excuse for a film without any coherent story or themes, there was one awesome moment in the climactic scene in the villain’s lair, which even the worst films in the 70s tend to get right. Remember how every Hindi film villain has these James Bonds style torture devices to umm… torture people instead of like, shooting them in the face? So in this movie, that Great Torture Device is a bell. A 6 feet tall metallic bell that the bad guys place over you and then hit with a hammer from the outside, so the giant bell makes a giant bell sound, metallic vibrations and all, with you still inside.

That bell is the reason I will defend my habit of watching terrible movies to my dying day – if you can wade through all the unintentional hilarity without judgment or exasperation, you will someday be rewarded with a mind-blowing image like Randheer Kapoor getting royally belled inside a giant fucking metallic bell.

That image is my special solace, my happy little place where I go to when life gets all shitty. I picture the source of that shit inside that giant bell, and me standing with a big hammer in hand. Has a nice ring to it. And yay, I’m punny!

Okay sorry. But like I told you, I’m a maniac.

And what did my boss do to deserve the ringing? That’s a story for another day.

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Hi there!

Welcome to my blog. Let me introduce myself – I’m Asmita, and I’m a creative designer working in Pune. I’m more or less your average working woman – married my college sweetheart when I was 27, had a baby, did my bit of stay-at-home-mommying, and now at 30, I’m starting my career afresh. I started as a junior artist for a children’s magazine a month ago, and I’m loving it.

More about the work later, but first, let’s meet my little girl – say hello to Koyel! This Sunday we’re celebrating her second birthday and it’s going to be one super-duper-rolling-in-cake-swimming-in-jelly fun party and there’s gonna be lots of babies and judgmental moms and lots of food and dirty dishes and office next day and so many freaking errands I just can’t wait!

As you can see, I’m totally enjoying the challenges of juggling a new job and a toddler. I know it isn’t going to be easy. But the fact remains that I love my job and I love my daughter, and I want to give my best to both. I have an awesome supportive husband – say hi to Arun, by the way – and I think between us, we can do a pretty good job.

What else can I tell you – I’m a foodie with a weakness for chocolate, I love corny masala movies, Perry Mason novels, Calvin & Hobbes, and I have been in a long-term, committed, one-sided extra-marital affair with Ranbir Kapoor. It’s only for my dear Koyel that I haven’t already eloped. Doesn’t matter, children grow up eventually…

I’ve started this blog mainly as an excuse to spend a half-hour every now and then with myself and my thoughts. Hope we meet again soon,

Ciao!

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